Bellacat can barely walk. She can barely eat. I think the end is coming. Some will dismiss this as a kind of cloying sentimentality. But Bella has become a part of my life, a part of me. And she has been for eleven years. I think I will die without her.
I am so afraid. She is me. I am her. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want her to die for if she does then a part of me dies too.
….have reversed their decision to censor the word ‘faggot’ in the Christmas classic A Fairytale of New York
But who thinks of ‘the scumbags and the maggots’ or indeed the the ‘bums’ or the ‘punks’ or ‘the old sluts on junk lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed’ ? Nobody cares about them. Life is so not fair! (insert emoticon here.)
They only care about some traditional British delicacy.
…exposing yourself as a refugee from the eighties, then for the love of cake, don’t use the word ‘ace’. Please.
Its patients are mostly young women who, after traumatic childhoods often involving horrific sexual abuse, have become bent on self-destruction through prolonged bouts of self-harming, cutting and burning themselves.
The wrong demographic and the wrong kind of mental illness?
People seriously believe this woman is fat? Â Oh.My.God. Â Scalpel, vacuum cleaner. Â It’s time for a little DIY liposuction.
During one of my admissions to the EDU (that’s Eating Disorders Unit for those unfamiliar with the jargon) one of the nurses told me that, in her oh so humble opinion, that I was adopting the role of the ‘Pollyanna of the ward’.  She asked me why I insisted upon focusing on other people’s issues at the expense of my own issues.  I hated her at the time but maybe she was more astute than I gave her credit for.  Denial?  Isn’t that a river running through Egypt?  This is the closest I’ll get to a mea culpa.
What are Doug (92 year old war veteran) and I to do on these long, dark nights when I pop across the expanse of lawn that separates his flat from mine? Doug was known as Nubby throughout his time in the RAF and then the army. Apparently, everyone with the name ‘Clarke’ in the army is automatically known as ‘Nobby’. No one thinks to ask why,. Well, we sit, we watch TV, we talk, we reminisce. Sometimes I think that some supernatural force has pushed us together. Often I picture us as two helpless, stranded sailors cut adrift from our nation’s territorial waters and everything we once knew. Because the alliance of two people as different as we are is unacceptable in conventional circles. And it is those circles that squeeze the world by throat. So we delicately sidestep the demands made upon us by those who have never been where he has, who have never been where I have and, please God, with a cherry on top, see to it that they never do.
And, yes, another Remembrance Sunday has passed without a remark from Doug. He is more than a war veteran is his constant refrain but nothing can change the fact that when he closes his eyes at night, he sees things that most of us could never even conceive of.
I am awake because I am afraid to sleep. Â And the drugs that used to work are useless now
So Sick of Drowning 
