Archive for December, 2007

Bella II

December 24, 2007


December 23, 2007

Bellacat can barely walk. She can barely eat. I think the end is coming. Some will dismiss this as a kind of cloying sentimentality. But Bella has become a part of my life, a part of me. And she has been for eleven years. I think I will die without her.
I am so afraid. She is me. I am her. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want her to die for if she does then a part of me dies too.

Currently Listening to…

December 20, 2007

…Blondie’s Rip Her to Shreds. It brings to mind a certain spoof blog and no, it’s not the Real Steve Jobs. That’s actually tremendously witty.


“Rip Her To Shreds”

(Hey! Psst PSST! Here she comes now.)
Oh, you know her, would you look at that hair
Yeah, you know her, check out those shoes
She looks like she stepped out of the middle of somebody’s blues

She looks like the Sunday comics
She thinks she’s Brenda Starr
Her nose job is real atomic
All she needs is an old knife scar

Yeah, she’s so dull, come on rip her to shreds
She’s so dull, come on rip her to shreds

Oh, you know her, “Miss Groupie Supreme”
Yeah, you know her, “Vera Vogue” on parade
Red eye shadow! Green mascara!
Yuck! She’s too much

She looks like she don’t know better
A case of partial extreme
Dressed in a Robert Hall sweater
Acting like a soap opera queen

Yeah, she’s so dull, come on rip her to shreds
She’s so dull, come on rip her to shreds

She got the nerve to tell me she’s not on it
But her expression is too serene
Yeah, she looks like she washes with Comet
Always looking to create a scene

Yeah, she’s so dull, come on rip her to shreds
She’s so dull, come on rip her to shreds
She’s so dull. Rip her to shreds

Oh, you know her, “Miss Groupie Supreme”
Yeah, you know her, “Vera Vogue” on parade
Yeah, you know her, with the fish-eating grin
She’s so dull

Yeah, she got the nerve to tell me!
Huh, she’s so dull
Yeah, there she goes now
She making out with King Kong
She take her boat to Hong Kong
Well, bye bye sugar
And not a minute too soon

The BBC…

December 20, 2007

….have reversed their decision to censor the word ‘faggot’ in the Christmas classic A Fairytale of New York

But who thinks of ‘the scumbags and the maggots’ or indeed the the ‘bums’ or the ‘punks’ or ‘the old sluts on junk lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed’ ? Nobody cares about them. Life is so not fair! (insert emoticon here.)

They only care about some traditional British delicacy.

If You Want to Avoid…

December 18, 2007

…exposing yourself as a refugee from the eighties, then for the love of cake, don’t use the word ‘ace’. Please.

And take a look at this – the only hospital in the country that attempts to help those afflicted with personality disorders is being closed down. The lunatics really have taken over the asylum.

(Nothing wrong with that – it’s just that these are the wrong lunatics.)

Its patients are mostly young women who, after traumatic childhoods often involving horrific sexual abuse, have become bent on self-destruction through prolonged bouts of self-harming, cutting and burning themselves.

The wrong demographic and the wrong kind of mental illness?


December 11, 2007

People seriously believe this woman is fat?  Oh.My.God.  Scalpel, vacuum cleaner.  It’s time for a little DIY liposuction.

Spring in the Midst of Winter

December 8, 2007

Pollyanna? Moi?

December 8, 2007

During one of my admissions to the EDU (that’s Eating Disorders Unit for those unfamiliar with the jargon) one of the nurses told me that, in her oh so humble opinion, that I was adopting the role of the ‘Pollyanna of the ward’.  She asked me why I insisted upon focusing on other people’s issues at the expense of my own issues.  I hated her at the time but maybe she was more astute than I gave her credit for.  Denial?  Isn’t that a river running through Egypt?  This is the closest I’ll get to a mea culpa.


December 6, 2007

What are Doug (92 year old war veteran) and I to do on these long, dark nights when I pop across the expanse of lawn that separates his flat from mine? Doug was known as Nubby throughout his time in the RAF and then the army. Apparently, everyone with the name ‘Clarke’ in the army is automatically known as ‘Nobby’. No one thinks to ask why,. Well, we sit, we watch TV, we talk, we reminisce. Sometimes I think that some supernatural force has pushed us together. Often I picture us as two helpless, stranded sailors cut adrift from our nation’s territorial waters and everything we once knew. Because the alliance of two people as different as we are is unacceptable in conventional circles. And it is those circles that squeeze the world by throat. So we delicately sidestep the demands made upon us by those who have never been where he has, who have never been where I have and, please God, with a cherry on top, see to it that they never do.

And, yes, another Remembrance Sunday has passed without a remark from Doug. He is more than a war veteran is his constant refrain but nothing can change the fact that when he closes his eyes at night, he sees things that most of us could never even conceive of.


December 5, 2007

I am awake because I am afraid to sleep.  And the drugs that used to work are useless now

They call this ‘rebound insomnia’.
My cat is a sweet, sleeping semi-circle at the bottom of my bed. I envy her. I wish we could swap places like a feline Freaky Friday.  I wonder what she dreams about.  I’ll never know.  I don’t speak miaow.
Can someone translate?

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