Archive for April, 2005

New Cafetiere (Real Coffee for ‘rie)

April 30, 2005

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Teenage Years

April 30, 2005

I wish that I could admit
That I would have liked to omit
My teenage years and plunge
Deep into adulthood

Then my voice was never heard
The words emerged
But they float from my mouth
And evaporate

I cried out
I screamed out
But still I was unheard
As others closed their eyes against me

It was simpler, safer
To talk to me about
Boys, first kisses
And all the opportunities
That lay ahead
A fairy tale future
Anything darker
Remained unsaid.

Bella Cat

April 30, 2005

 Bella the Cat has taken to defecating in my bathroom. It’s not much fun to have to avoid stepping into a pile of kitty poo in the morning (apologies to people with weak stomachs).  So it looks like the Brat Cat is off to the vet’s next week.  I know it’s necessary but the ‘Ow, ow,ow’ that emanates from her basket while we are in the taxi makes me feel like the meanest cat-mummy on the planet.

A couple of nights ago I succumbed to the urge to binge. There was a kind of bitterness lodged in my heart.  As I left the flat I saw Our Friendly Neighbourhood Drug Dealer (the New Zealander) skulking outside the flat of Our Friendly Neighbourhood Psychopath.  No doubt he was waiting to ‘do a bit of business’.  All the bitterness inside came spewing out. ‘You saw what happened,’I screamed.  ‘Why didn’t you intervene?  Are you that much of a coward?  Do you know how I feel now?  No, I don’t think you do and I hope to God you never have to.’

I did not stop to see his reaction.  I ran over to Hanover Court.  Doug’s door tempted me but I turned away from it and, amazed by my own swiftness, I ran up the eight flights of steps to the top of the building.  And then suddenly I was outside, standing on the ledge.  The city was spread out before me. I spat on it from above.  I stood there for what seemed like forever.  Wouldn’t it be easy to just let go? I have no children to leave behind.  Only my piles of drawing and scribbling.  But then it occurred to me that this is exactly what the Pseudo-Messiah wants – someone to die in his name.  I backed away from the edge, confident that I will thwart his plans.  I am ashamed to say that I turned to the only friend I have around here: Doug.  Fortunately, he was still awake. I sat down on his big easy chair and Freddi the Dog flung herself into my arms.  ‘I’m not going to die for him, I’m not going to die for him,’ I repeated.

‘That thing,’ Doug scoffed. ‘He’s not worth pissing on!’

‘I won’t give him what he wants.’

(To be continued…) 

Self Defence

April 30, 2005

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April 30, 2005

In the beginning. Yes, really, the very beginning
We were created (or so they say) out of clay
Before us there was darkness and deep waters
Desolate lands. Until God did his stuff. I’d imagine
That he must have been the star pupil in art class.

That was the prologue and we, I assume,
Are the epilogue. I acknowledge that our history
Is embedded in me. But I do not wish to be
Enslaved – every gene awash with ancestry
I want to be me, me, me and me alone.

It is Christmas here and as we decorate the tree
I watch my triplets and wish that there were only me.

Belated Back Home Post

April 29, 2005

The train journey (much to my relief) home was uneventful.

The last time I got the train a couple of years ago, in the dead of winter, I travelled back from Birmingham to Cambridge in an ice box.  It was a Sunday and the heating in the carriage I was sitting in had broken down.  The Guard asked me if I would like to change carriages.

I shook my head, ‘No, thank you.  Besides it’s good for the old diet.’ When he looked at me quizzically, I explained, ‘When you’re cold your system has to work harder to keep you warm. That way you burn more calories.  If you want to lose weight, sit in an ice box for a few hours every day.  I’ll move to another carriage when my fingers turn purple I’ll move to another carriage.  Besides, I value a seat to myself far more than I value warmth.’

The Guard edged away from me as though he thought I was stark-raving bonkers.

Oh well, gotta give the guy credit for being an outstanding judge of character.

If the limit does not approach anything, the limit does not exist.’


April 27, 2005

Originally uploaded by Bratcat1000.

At last – a photograph of my favourite restaurant.


April 27, 2005

World of dinner parties
Fleshed out with flowing honey
Fleshed out with red wine
And solid, heavy pink bosoms
Resting on an oak dining table
And you feel the eyes of that young man
That red-cheeked wide eyed acne ridden boy
Boy, yes boy, straining upwards – manhood bound

A luminous, statuesque creature
A radiant bright shape – almost a flame
You peer across the table dissecting each
Beguiling boy. You prepare to devour them
Ambivalence reigns. Get back, get back,
They silently scream but as you bewitch them
With your tall tales and this time joy replaces dread
And your rainfall of affection is embraced

Embrace of decadent borderlands
You adore them. You stand poised
On the edge of some ledge. Your smile
Its widens. White teeth dazzle. You bow
You pacify the popcorn chewing crowd
Their faces upturned, they stare
And those boys remember in sleep the way
In which you consumed them one by one.

I don’t usually do these things but…

April 27, 2005

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you’re an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you’re always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he’s got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn’t hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz 🙂

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

My Room

April 26, 2005

Originally uploaded by louisemills.

In which I spent the last years of my childhood.

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