Warning: Tediously self pitying content ahead
I wrote this on Boxing Day:
(Fun Fact: Boxing Day was traditionally a day off for servants and the day when they received a ‘Christmas Box’ from the master. The servants would also go home on Boxing Day to give ‘Christmas Boxes’ to their families.)
I have given myself five years. I am severely mentally ill, unemployable and thus, economically unproductive. I am a useless eater. I am also childless and possible barren. I have no life and I am terrified of the future. Life is brutal and I am not equal to its challenges. (Note: I see this as my failure not the failure of life itself.) The one and only human being who loved me for myself had departed from the planet. I have decided that if I do not get a job, have a child and a meaningful relationship in the next half decade I will erase myself from this world.
If I were a mangy cat I would have been put to sleep long ago.
Lyrics to Used to be a City:
David Rovics
I was young once, it was a long time ago
Things were different then, I thought that you should know
This old building was once a factory
We made Stetsons, your grandpa and me
It wasn’t easy, but at least life was going down;
There used to be a city in this town
This rusted railyard had a hotel and a couple of stores
We had good times here between the wars
It wasn’t paradise but there was music in the street
Right there is where your grandparents first had a chance to meet
They got married in that church, I can still see her wedding gown;
There used to be a city in this town
When the change came, it started one by one:
First the layoffs, then the factory was gone,
Then came the highways, the suburbs and Wal-Mart;
That was the final blow that tore this place apart
But it seems like just last year when there were people all around;
There used to be a city in this town
The census says there’s people here but I think someone’s confused
Just look out at these sidewalks, they’re not being used
You know when a city dies, it doesn’t die with grace
It just becomes a ruin, shouting this was once the place
Guess it’s time to leave, but I don’t know where I’d be bound;
There used to be a city in this town
So Sick of Drowning 