Original

September 28, 2016

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Place Holder

September 21, 2016

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There He Goes Again

September 14, 2016
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There he goes again
That mad, megalomaniacal monarch
Severing heads and hanging heathens
With on look we could condemn ourselves
One word out of place is treason
And often he executes without reason

He sits on his throne
A sumptuous fest spread out before him
He watches as the executioner does his work
He slurps and slavers as he anticipates
Future killings and bestial blood lettings
While all around him subjects shudder

‘Your Majesty, it was not me’.
They cry. But it is rather like addressing
The indifferent sky. With a gloved hand
He waves them away. He had never had
So much fun. Power makes him high
Power makes him fly…

And his reign has only just begun

In the City

August 27, 2016

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Magical Thinking

August 23, 2016
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Warning: Brevity Ahead:

When I was told of my father’s death I thought I heard a thread snap. The longer you live the more losses we sustain and we develop coping mechanisms to deal with this.  For reasons I find difficult to explain I use magical thinking. So when I viewed my father’s body I found myself thinking  ‘If he is not here, then he must be somewhere else.’  I still cling to that belief.

It was a belief that sustained me throughout the aftermath of my father’s passing.  I did not cry.  I prided myself on my stoicism.  I read aloud during the funeral service and although I was pale and trembling my voice was unwavering.  I received undeserved compliments for this.

But, according to some, I was wrong to react in this way.  I was too cold, too calm.  Later I was told that I had never really grieved properly because I didn’t dissolve into tears every five minutes.  I did not respond because my interlocutor was well meaning. But, deep down, I resented it.  People grieve according to their character. Histrionics aren’t my thing.  And just because I am not an emotional exhibitionist, it doesn’t mean I am not being shredded to pieces inside.

My Late Father

August 18, 2016

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I missed the anniversary of my father’s death. He passed away in July 2013.

I had been sitting here for years waiting for someone to rescue me. A knight in shining armour perhaps. Or maybe a member of anonymous. For two years I waited on this island nation otherwise know as my sofa, surrounded by a sea of red carpet. But nobody came.

And then they told me that my father was dying. He had terminal cancer. But to my eternal shame even this failed to break the spell. I remained unable to tear myself away from the excuse for a life I had created for myself.

(And let me emphasise this: I did this to myself. What I did is widely know as ‘narcissistic withdrawal.)

I only visited my family three times a year and left the burden of caring for my father to my immediate family. They shouldered a heavy responsibility. I have no excuse for letting them do this without me. They spent a large part of their lives on the cancer ward of the general hospital, negotiating with consultants and making my father as comfortable as possible while I sat isolated on my sofa, paralysed by anxiety which sometimes spilled over into sheer terror, rocking backwards and forwards, playing ‘This Too Shall Pass’ on a continuous loop.

My father fought his cancer valiantly to his last breath. But in July 1913 I received the phone call I had been expecting. My father only had ‘He’ll be gone by the morning,; my aunt told me. ‘Come home if you can.

I whispered back, ‘I don’t think I can.’ And then a voice in my head said ‘You must. You will never forgive yourself if you don’t.’

So, in the end I did manage to tear myself away from my tiny  four-walled country. I caught a train for the first time in a decade. I arrived at my father’s bedside at the last minute. The heart was still beating, the motor still running. I kissed him on the forehead and he responded by whispering my name.

They said that he had been waiting for me but the blanket skeptic in me rejects this notion.

A few hours after we returned home from the hospital my aunt kocked on the door of my childhood bedroom to tell me that he had died. ‘He’s gone, Louise’. And her choice of words somehow comforted me. For if he had gone then there was a possibilty that he might come back.

In situations like these magical thinking seems like the only option.

Portraits: Winter/Summer

July 28, 2016

http://bellarie.deviantart.com/art/Carved-Out-of-Stone-112635144

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States of Mind

July 6, 2016

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A Catchy Tune

June 14, 2016

 

Boycott Israel, if you think that’s just
But unless you have a double standard you must
Also boycott the rest of the nations
With allegations of human rights violations
We’re not perfect but if you think we’re the worst
First take a look at the rest of the earth
Don’t pick and choose to pick on the Jews
Pick up the paper and read the news
Boycott North Korea I don’t think you’ll see a
Country in the world that could be un-freer
Boycott China, let’s not forget
That they stole the whole country of Tibet
Boycott Japan slaughtering thousands
Of helpless innocent whales and dolphins
Boycott Vietnam where they choose to use
Drug addicts as slave to shell cashews
Boycott Cambodia, grabbing up land
Five million acres from the poor man’s hand
Boycott Thailand for shutting the door
And deporting refugees back to the war
Boycott Burma, don’t let your cash slip
Into the grip of that military dictatorship
Boycott India, women can’t escape
When the government officials are guilty of rape
Boycott Pakistan, crazy country
Where they execute people for blasphemy
And boycott Afghanistan opium land
Where poppy fields stand in the Taliban’s hand

 

And boycott Israel, if you think that’s just
But unless you have a double standard you must
Also boycott the rest of the nations
With allegations of human rights violations
We’re not perfect but if you think we’re the worst
First take a look at the rest of the earth
Don’t pick and choose to pick on the Jews
Pick up the paper and read the news

Boycott Syria their government’s killing
Thousands of innocent, unarmed, civilians
Boycott Iraq make them change the laws
That lock up and torture people without cause
Boycott Iran with the greatest rate
Of execution out of every other state
Boycott Turkey because they’ve always denied
And lied about the Armenian Genocide
Boycott Turkmenistan, where the only media
That you ever see is what the president’ll feed to ya
Boycott Uzbekistan, government’s rotten
Enslaving children to harvest cotton
Boycott Russia because every year
More Muslims mysteriously disappear
Boycott Ukraine, where the politicians
Lock up the opposition, so there’s no competition
Boycott Belarus, president’s got to go
You know those elections are just for show
And boycott Germany, cause there’s no reparation
For murdering half the Jewish population

And boycott Israel, if you think that’s just
But unless you have a double standard you must
Also boycott the rest of the nations
With allegations of human rights violations
Not perfect but if you think we’re the worst
First take a look at the rest of the earth
Don’t pick and choose to pick on the Jews
Pick up the paper and read the news

Boycott Sudan, the Darfur genocide
Where hundreds of thousands have already died
Boycott Egypt and don’t let that narrow
Minded president keep acting like Pharaoh
Boycott Saudi Arabian oppression
Of women getting beat up, treated like possessions
Boycott Bahrain police brutality
Against the Shi’ites by the Sunni Monarchy
Boycott Yemen make them stop the obscene
Execution of juveniles under eighteen
Boycott Eritrea national slavery
Where they work for free indefinitely
Boycott the Congo, doing terrible things
To sell blood diamond engagement rings
Boycott Zimbabwe you’ll find all kinds
Of torture behind those government mines
Boycott South Africa, make them pay
For the hundreds of women raped everyday
Boycott Ivory Coast, sound the alarm
There’s thousands of slaves on those cocoa farms

And boycott Israel, if you think that’s just
But unless you have a double standard you must
Also boycott the rest of the nations
With allegations of human rights violations
We’re not perfect but if you think we’re the worst
First take a look at the rest of the earth
Don’t pick and choose to pick on the Jews
Pick up the paper and read the news

Boycott Chile because they deny
Abortions even if the mother will die
And boycott Brazil where the brutal police
Kill thousands of people to keep the peace
Boycott Venezuela closer inspection
Shows that the socialists stole the election
Boycott Colombia, putting out the lights
Of anyone who fights for union rights
Boycott Ecuador for stealing the lands
Of indigenous people for their corporate plans
And boycott Costa Rica where they’ve applied
So much pesticide, that hundreds have died
Boycott Honduras where a journalist
Gets shot if he writes anything like this
Boycott Mexico in the war on drugs
The military acts like the cartel thugs
Boycott the USA make them pay
For torturing people in Guantanamo bay
And boycott Cuba, but if the government hears
You criticize them, you’ll be locked up for years

Boycott Israel, if you think that’s just
But unless you have double standard you must
Also boycott the rest of the nations
With allegations of human rights violations
We’re not perfect but if you think we’re the worst
First take a look at the rest of the earth
Don’t pick and choose to pick on the Jews
Pick up the paper and read the news

credits

from Tzfat Reggae, released August 13, 2013
Lyics & Vocals: Ari Lesser
Music & Production: Yirmiyahu BenZion
Mixing: Maameen Productions

Decluttering

May 7, 2016

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