In July, 2005, I was physically attacked by someone I had regarded as a friend. Ancient history now, some would say. It left me numbed and afraid. I’ve never really been the same gregarious person since. And I’m willing to concede that my decline isn’t solely the result of the attack. That is a very small part of a very big picture.
So why is this relevant to my life now? He has been punished. I have been punished (the people I thought were my friends abandoned me. They took his side). Yesterday my friend L. telephoned. She mentioned that she was going to Great Yarmouth with some friends of hers (suspiciously sociable fellow mentally ill people). She failed to invite me. And we all know why. According to the Circuit (the name we call the ‘mentally ill fraternity in this area) I betrayed them when I agreed to give a statement about A to the police, even though his attack against me didn’t form the main plank of the prosecution against him. I did not prosecute him, the police did because their hero St A attacked not only me but a police woman who was sent to arrest him. But I am the target of their wrath.
A casual conversation with N revealed that, five years ago, when Nobby and Philip (my ex-naval officer neighbour) went to the police station on the afternoon following my assault to see whether A was still incarcerated, the officer manning the front desk said ‘His psychiatrist put in a word for him.’
Now, please bear in mind that his psychiatrist is also my psychiatrist. The problem was he had to make a choice – a choice between two of his patients and he didn’t choose me. I can accept that. What I can’t accept is that he failed to take steps to distance himself from my case at that point, declaring a conflict of interests. He carried on taking charge of my case for the next five years and I firmly believe that the substandard care I was receiving from my community mental health team was a direct result of Dr H’s personal dislike* of me.
Dr H. retired recently. And some of you may think I’m being self regarding and self dramatising. And you may be right. But I will only be able to put this behind me if I know the truth. I would like a thorough review of my case and treatment. I’d like to know what’s been happening over the last few years. Then I will move on. Promise.
I am paranoid. But they are out to get me.
*Dr. H. is, of course, entitled to ‘like’ whomever he chooses. This, however, should not have had any relevance to the way he treated me in a professional capacity.