Archive for the ‘bulimia’ Category

Not Just For Teens

August 29, 2010

There is a widespread belief that eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are confined solely to women in their teens.  In the popular imagination once the sufferer had left his or her teens behind his or her symptoms miraculously disappear.  Sadly, this is not always the case.

A very good friends of mine, Liza O’Neil, is a twenty five year old example of someone whose eating disorder did not cease when she reached her left her teenagers years.  After a brief period of anorexia when she was in her early teens, Liza developed bulimia.  Liza says, ‘My problems with my body began when I was about twelve and people made comments about the extra weight I was carrying.  In hindsight I realized that I was never clinically overweight just carrying a little puppy fat but I was made, as a result of the insensitivity of others, to feel as though I was elephantine.’

Liza has oscillated between anorexia and bulimia for most of her adult life. She is now on the borderline between anorexia and bulimia and is clearly deteriorating rapidly.  And there seems to be nothing we can do about it. Just stand on the sidelines and watch her decline.  And the hand with which she reached out to the medical profession for help was simply brushed aside.

The Insomniac – Writing About Myself in the Third Person

June 17, 2008

She could stay awake all night if she had to. The darkness enveloped her, suffocated her. A black gloved hand over her face. She gazed out of the window into the blueblack sky. The stars were on vacation. Her heartbeat sounded like the Gods pounding on some huge drum. She could feel her own body as it slowly decomposed. This was death in the midst of life. Something or someone more powerful than her had taken control, had seized her autonomy away from her. She was afraid that if she fell asleep she would never wake up. She felt exposed, her innards visible to some great God. Her bones rattled. She was disintegrating. Delusions fought with one another in her head. Oblivion had never been so far away.

Edit: Finally, some good news. A parcel just arrived containing a novel I have been after for ages. Le Sang Des Autres (The Blood of Others) by Simone de Beauvoir. I read it years ago before it went out of print. Watch out for a review if I can be bothered.

Self Portrait

June 2, 2008

Didn’t eat for days then binged my head off. Food pushers suck. No appetite suppressants. Disappearing oh so slowly…
A link pertaining to me:

Apparently, ‘the comorbidity of schizophrenia and bulimia nervosa is very rare’.



April 24, 2008


2 packets Sunbites (260cals)
Wrap (440 cals)
Chocolates (300)
Oatcakes (300)
4 slices toast w. peanut butter (thinly spread: 300)
Chocolate Muffin (300)
 1900 cals.*
And I couldn’t purge.  I am fat, fat, fat.  
It appears that John Prescott and I share an illness: Bulimia.  The difference between us is that he is entitled to treatment and I am not.  I suffered from anorexia as a teenager and have been bulimic ever since.  I relapsed into anorexia in 1998.  I read an article in the Cambridge Evening News in which a Dr Jane Shapleske, who is part of Addenbrookes Eating disorders team, expressed sympathy with Mr. Prescott and rightly so but does she really expect us to believe that if  ‘Joe Bloggs’ came in off the street and presented himself to her that she would have recommended treatment?  I know she wouldn’t because I did exactly** that and she refused to accept me on her program.  We know why you express sympathy for Mr Prescott, Dr. Shapleske, it’s because he is powerful, high profile and you are not obliged to treat him.  Words are cheap, aren’t they, Dr. Shapleske? Maybe now we know that men too suffer from this condition the ‘powers-that-be’ will be more willing to invest real money into the treatment of this illness but, frankly, I’m not holding my breath.
I deviate from the norm but not quite dramatically enough to hold any interest for Dr Shapleske.
*That and 26 valium and I am still paralysed by anxiety.  Sorry, make that 46.  I am not in the habit of looking gift horses in mouthes.  I am invincible.  Invincible.
**Actually, I was referred to her by my GP.
I keep taking pics of myself. Not because I’m vain but because, at the moment,  I am not my usual fat, moocow self and I don’t know how long it will last.  I don’t know when my body will start rebelling again.  
And I know it shouldn’t matter.  I know that we should be more than just our bodies.  But it does.  And I don’t know why.  I don’t know why I am capitulating to body fascism but I am and I wish that I could detach myself from it.  But it’s all around me.  It permeates every part of society and, by succumbing to it, I am helping to perpetuate it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine.

Pollyanna? Moi?

December 8, 2007

During one of my admissions to the EDU (that’s Eating Disorders Unit for those unfamiliar with the jargon) one of the nurses told me that, in her oh so humble opinion, that I was adopting the role of the ‘Pollyanna of the ward’.  She asked me why I insisted upon focusing on other people’s issues at the expense of my own issues.  I hated her at the time but maybe she was more astute than I gave her credit for.  Denial?  Isn’t that a river running through Egypt?  This is the closest I’ll get to a mea culpa.

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