Archive for the ‘insecurity’ Category


December 11, 2007

People seriously believe this woman is fat?  Oh.My.God.  Scalpel, vacuum cleaner.  It’s time for a little DIY liposuction.

The Patron Saint of Victims Everywhere

November 30, 2007

I stamp my feet,
This is not fair
For I am the Patron Saint
Of Victims Everywhere

Self-appointed, self-anointed.
But never, never effaced
I offer superficial harmony
In a chaotic world and this is why
I am universally embraced

Oh, come all adore me
For I am the one you have chosen
To stamp your identities upon
I am womanly, you see
The epitome of purity and passivity

But, in time, my foot soldiers fade away
Their attention strays, it wanders elsewhere
While I look for a way to remind you
That I am still the Patron Saint
Of Victims Everywhere

Adoration dissipates and this unlit stage
Is a lonely place. I expect empathy
But I cannot reciprocate
For I do not want others to share
My status as the Patron Saint
Of Victims Everywhere

The auditorium is deserted now
And I am devoid of admirers
I call out, into the darkness
I stamp my feet. This isn’t fair
Am I no longer the Patron Saint
Of Victims Everywhere?


November 16, 2007

Me: Am I a total cow?
Her: Why, of course, but that is why we love you.
Me: I’m not a fat cow though, am I?
Her: No, of course not. You’re a um skinny cow. A decidedly undernourished cow, if you ask me.
Me: Thank you. I can always rely on you to say the right thing

NOTE: If she’d answered in the affirmative I’d have bitch slapped her into the next millennium.

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