My current diagnosis has been confirmed by my new consultant : schizoaffective Disorder. For the benefit of adherents to the Dalrympian worldview, I’d like to emphasise that I’ve never knowingly broken the law, I did reasonably well in school, I’ve never touched street drugs, I am not promiscuous or violent or in any way a danger to others, I have no children and I’ve managed to hold down reasonably well-paid jobs. Now, tell me what did I do to bring mental illness upon myself? I did everything right. Explain that Dalrympians and Daily Mail Readers. I’d be ever so, ever so grateful.