The Drugs Don’t Work

I am lost. I am pushing everyone away. My family are distancing themselves from me and I don’t blame them. I feel like there’s nothing tethering me to the world. I cannot relate to others. It’s like I’m imprisoned in a huge invisible glass jar. `it is soundproof and impenetrable. I can see people and I scream out to them but they can’t hear me. Or maybe they pretend not to hear. I don’t blame them for that either. For my birthday I went out for dinner with relatives, including my brother and my niece, but I’ve never felt so alone in my life. It was as though I didn’t even belong on the planet, as though I was not fit to be among ordinary, decent human beings. I have a baby niece who I am reluctant to hold or cuddle because I am terrified that I might contaminate her. I can only think in fragments:

and I will sleep
the deepest sleep of all
and they will remain
undisturbed by my fall

and the waters
they are shark infested
and I have nothing invested
In the world beyond these shores

See? Don’t expect coherence here. And, as the song says, ‘Now the drugs don’t work. They just make you worse.’ Maybe it’s different this time. Maybe there really is such a thing as terminal mental illness.

Tags: , , , ,

One Response to “The Drugs Don’t Work”

  1. Ida Says:

    I think you’re very coherent!

    And I would qoute a song back at you,”Don’t give up,oooh,don’t give up!” (sorry)(Kate Bush,I have no idea where that came from as I am not a fan at all)
    I wish my brain could have offered up a more poetic song quote,but that was what came to mind.
    If nothing else tethers you to this earth at the moment, I hope this blog does, and the people who follow you here.

    I think there is also something called temporary mental ill health, maybe you’re all right in an environment that is all wrong,for you,whether mentally or physically.

    Don’t mean to meddle,just tell me to shut up if I annoy you, I will comply.
    Take care.


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: