Is my blog crap beyond redemption?

Illuminated

It’s the middle of the night and  I am terrified so please indulge me.  For a little while.

Why do people HATE* me so much, even online.  Am I an abomination?  I try to help.  I try to be good.  What did I do wrong.  The voices in my head were right…useless, stupid, grotesque.

Bring it on.

Spare a penny for the Dignitas fund.  This planet can’t find a use for me. Or Hanover Court Beckons  – that building has taken on a life of its own. It wants me to jump from it.

Am I the witch at the edge of the village.  Is Matthew Hopkins, Witchfinder  General approaching?  Has he heard that, even now, nearly two years after her death she still visits me occasionally.  A little white ghost who disappears when I half turn.  And if they tried to drown me I would most definitely float.

‘The bottom of the tree,’ I chant.  ‘in the mental illness hierarchy.’

Turning for comfort
To the gravedigger
And the Parish Priest
And to top it all
The Lord of the manor
In his great hall
For I stand accused
Of enchanting them all
I am lying in a crevice
In the ground
And Hopkins’ henchmen
They stand around
Contemplating barbarism
They kick the dust over me
For I am a witch you see
They lay stones upon me
Later they will leave
All this behind
As they march
To the ale house
And the streets will be filled
With raucous laughter

I have been shredding my legs.  There a strange tingling when the blade goes in.  And all that blood.  It is punishment.

can’t. afford. to. .go. .to .hospital.  would rather die than go to hospital.  Other patients will  hate me anyway.

*Addendum: That may only include members of one particular forum.  I think I’d better unsub.

Tags: assisted suicide, Dignitas, fear, hatred, suicide