Is my blog crap beyond redemption?

Illuminated

Illuminated

It’s the middle of the night and  I am terrified so please indulge me.  For a little while.

Why do people HATE* me so much, even online.  Am I an abomination?  I try to help.  I try to be good.  What did I do wrong.  The voices in my head were right…useless, stupid, grotesque.

Bring it on.

Spare a penny for the Dignitas fund.  This planet can’t find a use for me. Or Hanover Court Beckons  – that building has taken on a life of its own. It wants me to jump from it.

Am I the witch at the edge of the village.  Is Matthew Hopkins, Witchfinder  General approaching?  Has he heard that, even now, nearly two years after her death she still visits me occasionally.  A little white ghost who disappears when I half turn.  And if they tried to drown me I would most definitely float.

‘The bottom of the tree,’ I chant.  ‘in the mental illness hierarchy.’

Turning for comfort
To the gravedigger
And the Parish Priest
And to top it all
The Lord of the manor
In his great hall
For I stand accused
Of enchanting them all
I am lying in a crevice
In the ground
And Hopkins’ henchmen
They stand around
Contemplating barbarism
They kick the dust over me
For I am a witch you see
They lay stones upon me
Later they will leave
All this behind
As they march
To the ale house
And the streets will be filled
With raucous laughter

I have been shredding my legs.  There a strange tingling when the blade goes in.  And all that blood.  It is punishment.

can’t. afford. to. .go. .to .hospital.  would rather die than go to hospital.  Other patients will  hate me anyway.

*Addendum: That may only include members of one particular forum.  I think I’d better unsub.

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12 Responses to “Is my blog crap beyond redemption?”

  1. prozacville Says:

    Ah, the loneliness of the witch.

    Tis a travesty, really (I’m talking of lonely witches here): women who won’t conform to society’s demands (wifey/sex-kitten), so lonely.

    I think your blog is bwilliant, and though new to it, will return…

    Like

  2. David Duff Says:

    “Is my blog crap beyond redemption?”

    NO! A hundred times ‘NO’.

    Like

  3. Louise Says:

    David, you rock!

    I hear you recently bought a new ‘puter. Please tell me it was a mac.

    Like

  4. Louise Says:

    Thanks for the compliments, prozacville.

    A witch is never lonely though – she’s always got her familiar, usually her cat – stereotyping much!

    I have half a cat – a ginger tom I share with a neighbour. (and a ghost cat who still hangs around.)

    Like

  5. David Duff Says:

    Alas, no Mac, a sort of hybrid that my computer chappie put together to suit my purposes.

    Should you be looking for another half of a ginger tom to complete the picture, I have one of such huge dimensions that I’m sure he wouldn’t miss it!

    If I may say so, and at my age I can get away with saying this sort of thing, if that is your photo down below you are an extremely attractive young woman, er, but don’t tell my wife I said so!

    As for your ‘demons’, look ’em in the eye and tell them to piss off!

    Like

  6. Louise Says:

    My aim was misery guts look. Good idea about the demons

    Thanks for sweet comments ’tis the magic of the isight.

    Like

  7. gfggdj Says:

    People really don’t like reading blogs that are 90% about whining how miserable your life is,don’t you think?
    It’s your choice what material you put on this blog,not theirs,so you are somewhat responsible for the comments you receive.What you give is what you get,simple as that.Don’t expect people to love you and apreciate what you write if you don’t love/apreciate yourself.

    Like

    • Louise Says:

      You’ve obviously being doing a some selective reading because my blog is far from ‘90% about whining how miserable your life is’. Dig a little deeper and you’ll find posts about cats, art, nature, IT, relationships, the military, politics, history, psychology and much more besides. The blog does however deal with the issue of mental illness and if you find those posts ‘miserable’ it is because I was in the middle of a relapse. Still it’s good to meet someone who is so self-assured that they choose to post anonymously. Maybe I could see your blog some time. You can show me how a real pro does it.

      Like

      • gfggdj Says:

        i don’t have a blog.you know there are people who can very well survive without a blog.*If* I had a blog,it probably wouldn’t be in english,as this is not my first language.

        I obviously didn’t read your ALL of your posts,but from what I have read,nothing really striked as interesting.

        Like

  8. David Duff Says:

    Well, ‘gfggdj’, that only leaves the rest of to say goodbye to you and add that “parting is such sweet sorrow”!

    Like

  9. raizifyskyday Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I just wanted to say hi to everyone from sunny USA.

    Its my first time using this forum and I hope that I can share knowledgeable information and ideas with the members here.

    Yours In True Success,

    ——————————————————————–

    Praca Gry

    Like

  10. pozycjono Says:

    t’s such a important site. fanciful, extraordinarily fascinating!!!

    ——-

    Like

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