How do I get out of this abyss?  I’m calling out for help but there’s no one there.  Or maybe there is but they can’t hear.  I wake up crying.  I’m still here.  I’m not supposed to be here.  I should have left a long time ago but there is always the thought, in the back of my mind, that maybe things would get better.  But they haven’t and I am still paralysed by this all-encompassing fear.  I’m pushing people away because I don’t want them to be hurt when I have to leave them.  Even my mother.  Especially my mother. Now, at least, she can say I am a work in progress, that one day I won’t feel like this. But the thing she created will destroy itself.  I keep waiting for it to pass – this hopelessness – but it isn’t passing.  It’s getting worse. Anguish, an ache inside with no discernible physical cause.  And I can think of only one cure.


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2 Responses to “Terrified”

  1. blacksun6am Says:

    Hang on in there.

    Everything passes. It may take a long time. A very long time. But nothing stays the same. Everything passes.


  2. Louise Says:

    Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. Winston Churchill said ‘if you’re going through hell then keep going’. I’ll try to keep that in mind too. Sorry it took me so long to publish your comment.


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