Binge…

Ate:

2 packets Sunbites (260cals)
Wrap (440 cals)
Chocolates (300)
Oatcakes (300)
4 slices toast w. peanut butter (thinly spread: 300)
Chocolate Muffin (300)
 1900 cals.*
And I couldn’t purge.  I am fat, fat, fat.  
It appears that John Prescott and I share an illness: Bulimia.  The difference between us is that he is entitled to treatment and I am not.  I suffered from anorexia as a teenager and have been bulimic ever since.  I relapsed into anorexia in 1998.  I read an article in the Cambridge Evening News in which a Dr Jane Shapleske, who is part of Addenbrookes Eating disorders team, expressed sympathy with Mr. Prescott and rightly so but does she really expect us to believe that if  ‘Joe Bloggs’ came in off the street and presented himself to her that she would have recommended treatment?  I know she wouldn’t because I did exactly** that and she refused to accept me on her program.  We know why you express sympathy for Mr Prescott, Dr. Shapleske, it’s because he is powerful, high profile and you are not obliged to treat him.  Words are cheap, aren’t they, Dr. Shapleske? Maybe now we know that men too suffer from this condition the ‘powers-that-be’ will be more willing to invest real money into the treatment of this illness but, frankly, I’m not holding my breath.
I deviate from the norm but not quite dramatically enough to hold any interest for Dr Shapleske.
*That and 26 valium and I am still paralysed by anxiety.  Sorry, make that 46.  I am not in the habit of looking gift horses in mouthes.  I am invincible.  Invincible.
**Actually, I was referred to her by my GP.
I keep taking pics of myself. Not because I’m vain but because, at the moment,  I am not my usual fat, moocow self and I don’t know how long it will last.  I don’t know when my body will start rebelling again.  
And I know it shouldn’t matter.  I know that we should be more than just our bodies.  But it does.  And I don’t know why.  I don’t know why I am capitulating to body fascism but I am and I wish that I could detach myself from it.  But it’s all around me.  It permeates every part of society and, by succumbing to it, I am helping to perpetuate it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine.
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