Archive for April 30th, 2005

New Cafetiere (Real Coffee for ‘rie)

April 30, 2005

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Teenage Years

April 30, 2005

I wish that I could admit
That I would have liked to omit
My teenage years and plunge
Deep into adulthood

Then my voice was never heard
The words emerged
But they float from my mouth
And evaporate

I cried out
I screamed out
But still I was unheard
As others closed their eyes against me

It was simpler, safer
To talk to me about
Boys, first kisses
And all the opportunities
That lay ahead
A fairy tale future
Anything darker
Remained unsaid.

Bella Cat

April 30, 2005

 Bella the Cat has taken to defecating in my bathroom. It’s not much fun to have to avoid stepping into a pile of kitty poo in the morning (apologies to people with weak stomachs).  So it looks like the Brat Cat is off to the vet’s next week.  I know it’s necessary but the ‘Ow, ow,ow’ that emanates from her basket while we are in the taxi makes me feel like the meanest cat-mummy on the planet.

A couple of nights ago I succumbed to the urge to binge. There was a kind of bitterness lodged in my heart.  As I left the flat I saw Our Friendly Neighbourhood Drug Dealer (the New Zealander) skulking outside the flat of Our Friendly Neighbourhood Psychopath.  No doubt he was waiting to ‘do a bit of business’.  All the bitterness inside came spewing out. ‘You saw what happened,’I screamed.  ‘Why didn’t you intervene?  Are you that much of a coward?  Do you know how I feel now?  No, I don’t think you do and I hope to God you never have to.’

I did not stop to see his reaction.  I ran over to Hanover Court.  Doug’s door tempted me but I turned away from it and, amazed by my own swiftness, I ran up the eight flights of steps to the top of the building.  And then suddenly I was outside, standing on the ledge.  The city was spread out before me. I spat on it from above.  I stood there for what seemed like forever.  Wouldn’t it be easy to just let go? I have no children to leave behind.  Only my piles of drawing and scribbling.  But then it occurred to me that this is exactly what the Pseudo-Messiah wants – someone to die in his name.  I backed away from the edge, confident that I will thwart his plans.  I am ashamed to say that I turned to the only friend I have around here: Doug.  Fortunately, he was still awake. I sat down on his big easy chair and Freddi the Dog flung herself into my arms.  ‘I’m not going to die for him, I’m not going to die for him,’ I repeated.

‘That thing,’ Doug scoffed. ‘He’s not worth pissing on!’

‘I won’t give him what he wants.’

(To be continued…) 

Self Defence

April 30, 2005

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April 30, 2005

In the beginning. Yes, really, the very beginning
We were created (or so they say) out of clay
Before us there was darkness and deep waters
Desolate lands. Until God did his stuff. I’d imagine
That he must have been the star pupil in art class.

That was the prologue and we, I assume,
Are the epilogue. I acknowledge that our history
Is embedded in me. But I do not wish to be
Enslaved – every gene awash with ancestry
I want to be me, me, me and me alone.

It is Christmas here and as we decorate the tree
I watch my triplets and wish that there were only me.

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