Archive for April 17th, 2005

As Evening Falls

April 17, 2005

Wandering through the streets
As evening falls. Museums,
Haunted houses,
Restaurants and rainy streets
Blinded by city lights

Blue to black,
Night falls swiftly in these parts
Drops like a curtain after a show
We walk into the sea
When the sun-worshippers have gone
Serenity. Like walking into pictures
Into other worlds.

Clambering over the rocks
Leaping over crevices
Waves rebounding
The moon is our witness
Transfixed, captured
Caught by the current
Night sky starless

As we await
The emergence of morning.

Birthday ‘Party’

April 17, 2005

Lisa rang early yesterday to make sure I would definitely be at her birthday celebrations.  I get that a lot: phone calls from people who say, ‘You will be there, won’t you?’  And my answer phone is always jammed with messages saying ‘’Rie, if you’re there, pick up the ‘phone.’  People around me are well aware of how antisocial I am so they assume I am trying to avoid them (and usually I am).  I did go to Lisa’s birthday celebrations.  We met at The Eagle and then went back to her house for a small party.  I even managed to make myself useful by clearing a bunch of Trojans from her hard-drive.  Norton didn’t even pick them up so I downloaded AVG.  (Typical). So, Lisa’s computer is no longer (in her words) ‘poorly’.

I received a ‘phone call from my mother earlier this morning.  We discussed the differences between ‘madness’ and ‘badness’.  Mother has this rather simplistic notion that the two cannot exist within the same person.  ‘Were you ‘mad’ or ‘bad’ when you tried to kill me, Mother?  Did you know what you were doing when you wrapped your hands around my neck and squeezed so hard that I blacked out?’  I asked this question in my head, not out loud.  I was nine when this happened.

The Pseudo-Messiah has stolen something from me – a certain innocence; a conviction that now I am an adult, I can defend myself in a way that I was unable to when I was a child.

I’ll never be the same.

I’ll never be as trusting as I was before.

More Winnie the Pooh

April 17, 2005

Originally uploaded by louisemills.

A Central Vision

April 17, 2005

It is my fantasy and mine alone
Some dweller of my doom-ridden dreams
Conjured up in my head. Torn and wary
Of bone-breaking Vikings and seafarers
Displaced by time. Once warriors
Now redundant. Coated in layer
Upon layer of dust – time’s debris
We push this ancient vessel
Into the sea.

We periodically refocus
Wrap me in ragged wreathes
A benevolent baby
Who for now
Lets its mother sleep
But sooner or later
I will awake
And realize that my kingdom
Was merely a apparition.

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