Archive for March 23rd, 2005

Amoral to the Core

March 23, 2005

When I returned to my flat Andy walked out of his front door. Just as I was about to climb the steps. We stared at one another. He gave me what I suppose he intended to be a menacing look. Our eyes locked but, to my satisfaction, he was the first to look away. There was no shame in his face, only pure malice.

He is amoral to the core.

Renewed Obsession

March 23, 2005

Renewed Obsession
Originally uploaded by louisemills.

Two new kitties join my household. Let’s hope they don’t run away this time and that Bella the Cat doesn’t get jealous of them!

Slay That Tiger

March 23, 2005

The Second Slice

I took a second slice
To slay that tiger: hunger
But the pain does not lessen
While mourning a lost empire
I consume a blueberry muffin
Some strawberry shortcake

Trauma and memories
Illustrated perfectly
They accept no allies
They show no mercy
I feed the fear
I feed the hostility
The world within
Is clouded and gloomy
A long and steady fall awaits

Consuming sugar coated junk
Sweetness turns sour on the tongue
I am left with anger and nausea
I look around and see
Another wasted day
I miss my voice
Where has it gone?
It clots around my core.


March 23, 2005

Dr.S. is on a much-deserved holiday. So I had to see a locum – a short (yes, shorter than me), dark, plump (yes, plumper than me) woman – who interrogated me about my medication for about ten minutes. I felt an almost overwhelming urge to say, ‘Look, just sign the damned prescription, you stupid bitch!’ Of course, outwardly, I remained impeccably polite. But my inner voice disturbed me. I sounded lie some mad junkie. I told her about my possible broken rib – more damage inflicted by our Friendly Neighbourhood Psychopath®. She gave me a cursory examination. ‘There’s nothing we can do about broken ribs anyway.’

‘I know that,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘I do have a loose grasp on current medical practice. If you look at my notes you’ll see why having it confirmed is so important.’

Why are doctors so damned awkward? Do they do it deliberately to demonstrate how much power they have?

I felt relieved as I walked out of the surgery with my prescription clutched in my hand have avoided (with some effort) punching the supercilious bitch in the face.

And I do so despise violence.

This was followed by disconcerting over familiarity at the Chemist’s (Good old Boots). The pharmacist said: ‘You look well.’

I felt like telling her to pay an immediate visit to her optician.

Bella Snoozing

March 23, 2005

Bella Snoozing
Originally uploaded by rielouise.

There she goes again, indulging in her favourite activity: dreaming of mouse-flavoured Sheba!


March 23, 2005

One Hundred Candles

One hundred candles burning down, slowly down
A flame at a time. Until there is nothing left
But melted wax. Useless as ashes in a grate
There is no one left to manipulate

Evil emanates from me. A stream of obscenties
It devours me and everything else around
The flames of hatred and resentment and rage
Then it departs and I remain
Agonised by shame
Evil is my name

I have driven those angels away
The very antithesis of me; awash with purity
Howling like a wolf
in the wilderness
And my dreams have moved
Far beyond my reach

Miraculous News

March 23, 2005

Miraculous news – my mother is reading fiction. She usually settles for biographies and true crime. She took my advice – the words are discipline and perseverance – until you get caught up in the flow of the story and cannot extricate yourself.

(Okay, so it’s only Patricia Cornwell at the moment but I’ll get her onto the hard stuff … eventually.)

I am disturbed by my neighbour upstairs – crash, bang, – and her ten brats (okay, I exaggerate). But it’s driving me even nuttier than I am already.

flowing flowers

March 23, 2005

flowing flowers
Originally uploaded by Bella the Cat.

A Dull Doodle from a Dullard! Duh!


March 23, 2005

You Came

In the midst of May you came
We were as one, seeking the sun
Awaiting the cock’s crow, the streams flow
Over bristling, frosty land. Milky clouds
Over still and silent cattle, glory-bound
Before the daylight becomes faded, jaded
Across a calm sea, a quiescent ocean

Your tears- each droplet – glistening gold
You emit guttural but glorious sounds
I elevate you to my lips to drink
That surge of emotion. I am at one
Within and without, the heart and the flesh
For this is an ocean born to be
Perpetually in motion

Straight to the Top

March 23, 2005

I rang the council this morning about security measures to protect me from Pseudo-Messiah. I spoke to a cold, distant housing officer called Steve who seemed to be going out of his way to be as unhelpful as possible.

‘Personal security is the tenant’s own responsibility.’

‘What? Even when you’ve been physically assaulted by the psychopath who lives below you?’

I concluded the conversation with a sarcastic, ‘Well, it’s so good to know you take the security of your female tenants so seriously.’

He said he would ring me back within the hour. By the end of office hours I was still waiting. I telephoned the housing office again and the guy who responded (I never did get to know his name) lowered his voice conspiratorially and said, ‘If I were you I’d go straight to the top, to the housing officer’s boss.’ and he gave me the number of her direct line.

I spoke to her and she agreed to ‘release the funds immediately’. So, I shall be getting two shiny new Chubb locks fitted to my front door.

Mission accomplished.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere. 😉

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